As we know, ABC made a bold move for the upcoming season of The Bachelorette </ em> by announcing all 33 contenders months in advance. We already constituted merriment of Hannah B’s people as the working group, and one was already exposed for sending a woman tons of unwanted DMs. We’re still “re all waiting on” government officials ABC bios of all of these comedians( rest assured you’ll get a full
roasted breakdown ), but fortunately the good people at POPSUGAR have found the social media histories of all the men. Now, most of the guys have gotten smart this season and already locked down their Instagram and Twitter profiles, so there’s no large-hearted racist or sexuality delinquent scandal( yet ), at least for the moment. But some of the men’s social profiles still uncover some interesting and/ or embarrassing things about them.
First of all, there are several of Hannah B’s people who POPSUGAR </ em> says have no social media. I have questions. Of course, there’s always a chance that they have profiles we just can’t find at the moment, but what if they don’t? In 2019, do we trust people who don’t have Instagram < em> or Twitter accounts? Are they Amish? Do they have something to hide? I know straight males are still mainly bad at social media, but often they at least have an Instagram profile with six random photos from 2014. How are these dudes going to capitalize on their #spon opportunities with no social media ??
But let’s talk about what we learned from the men who do have social media. First up, Daron. In my previous section, I said that Daron looks like OJ Simpson, and I stand by that, but his ABC photo is certainly the most difficult photo he’s ever taken. Thankfully, Daron’s Instagram is still public, so I was able to scroll all the path back to when he was a baby college freshman. Daron played football at the University of Kentucky, which is pretty legit.
Please enjoy this photo of Daron with a pocket of wine in a canoe. Love to see it.
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From his Instagram, I also learned that Daron enjoys cigars and Bassnectar concerts, so that’s fun. Overall, he seems like an unproblematic person who likes to have a good time, but he might still be a nightmare inside the Bachelorette mansion. Only occasion will tell.
Next on the index of Hannah B’s people, let’s talk about Jonathan S ., who is 27, and is living in Los Angeles. Like Daron, his Instagram is public, so we can see that he has a large sneaker accumulation and voted Democrat in the recent elections. Jonathan’s Instagram is really pretty unremarkable, but I was delighted to discover that he also has a separate photography history. There’s nothing I love more than someone who likes to take drawings on their iPhone and decides that they’re a photographer. Jonathan’s secondary account only has six photos, and they’re all very special. Rather than pick one photo to highlighting, here’s a screenshot of his entire feed, so you can really get the idea. Also, the issue was literally all there is.
Wow, merely wow. It takes real skill to get a Boomerang of a campfire, or the same Epcot photo that 500 people take every single epoch. Also, he dedicates every single photo a title and writes what time it was taken, as if it’s going to get displayed in the MoMA. I’m obsessed.
Moving on, let’s discuss my most disturbing breakthroughs of the day. Examining through Kevin’s Instagram, I was immediately turned off by the many, numerous grainy photos he posts of his muscles. Here’s another grid screenshot, so you really understand 😛
Make! It! Stop! All of these photos are from 2018, so there’s really no excuse for the poor photo character, weirdly dark filter, or for the photos to exist in the first place. Kevin, Myspace angles needed to be are available in Myspace! Kevin likewise likes to post memes sometimes, so we have something in common! Except like, this one manufactures me want to die 😛
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You can’t see how hard I’m cringing right now, but hopefully you’re feeling the same lane. But candidly, this is just the kind of thirsty thing I would expect a dude on The Bachelorette </ em> to post, so hopefully Hannah B. is loving him right now. And hey, at the least it’s not a racist meme.
Another favorite Instagram find was the bio of Tyler, whose report is sadly private. While I can’t see what he posts, his profile is enough all by itself 😛
Is this an Instagram bio or a resume? I’m so glad I know his entire educational record, and likewise his modeling illustration in THREE different metropolis! And he’s also a custom dwelling builder? How does he have time for all of this? Perhaps he’s a “model” like Tom Schwartz and Jax Taylor are “models,” mean they’re generally red-hot guys who have been in front of a camera like, twice in the past five years. Can’t wait to find out!
Finally, let’s look at the Twitter of Matthew S ., who is probably one of the cutest out of Hannah B’s guys. Regrettably, his Twitter bio just devastated any trace of allure I was feeling 😛
Live footage of me right now 😛
A DASH OF THICK? Sorry, that sound you just heard was me projectile upchuck. I actually can’t. That bio is appropriate to provide for disqualifying all by itself, but the listing of people Matthew is following is pretty bleak. He only follows eight histories, and they include Jimmy Fallon, Ellen DeGeneres, and Conor McGregor, who is currently under investigation for sexual assault. Great stuff!
So certainly there are many more of Hannah B’s guys who we don’t know about hitherto, but there are already emphatically some pearls in this bunch. Can’t wait to see what Hannah has in common with all of these dudes, but I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of moments of awkward stillnes on the one-on-ones. But who knows, perhaps she and Jonathan will bond over their cherish of~ photography ~.
Portraits: ABC, @daronblaylock, @jon. tha.don, @sight. by.saunders, @kevinjfortenberry( 2 ), @tylercameron3/ Instagram, @mattspraggins_/ Twitter, Giphy
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