“We Never Really Knew Each Other Just as Husband & Wife, But Always as Mom & Dad”

My husband lay behind me, and I curled into his torso, his arm twined around my torso. My back to his chest, we fit together like two spoons in a drawer. It felt like home. We laid there on the couch together watching TV, and I could feel his hot breath in my ear.

Become A Contributor

“I’ve missed this, ” he whispered.

I agreed with a satisfying purr.

How long had it been since we laid like this? Too long to remember. I mean, we made time together as husband and wife, but to merely lay beside one another for an extended period, soaking in the other’s presence? It had been a while.

Indeed, one or both of us typically had a kid or two in our lap, and you couldn’t very well twine into one another on the sofa when every few minutes someone came up asking for chocolate milk or if you could help them find something that was laying in plain sight. I’m not sure how we had managed it this long on this particular afternoon, but we had. I could hear the girls playing contentedly in their chamber, so I merely enjoyed it while I could.

We were in our[ 40 s ], and our entire married life had been about parenting. I don’t think we had schemed it to be that behavior, but it’s how it turned out. We got married at[ 31 ], in November, and worried that it might take a while to conceive, I had stopped my family planning in December. Yep, by January we were expecting. I wasn’t even ready. Neither was he, but somehow together we made it beautiful. Having a baby brought out best available in us, and as a couple, we grew.

That whole decade would be a series of pregnancies, deliveries, breastfeeding, newborns, and moving into different homes to suit our developing household. First steps, first words, and first everything’s. Periods three! It was a whirlwind thirties for us, for sure. Watching my husband blossom under the mantle of fatherhood was one of my favorite things, and being a parenting partner with him was more than I could have hope to see. He was a wonderful dad!

Yet he was more. And as I lay against his torso on the lounge, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against me, I knew it was true.

Marriage and parenting can be especially challenging when blended. There’s so much better going on. Through awful twos, stomach bugs, and birthday parties you go. You run errands, change nappies, and go to multiple doctor appointments. You obsess, you wallow, and you weep when you dread you’re messing everything there is up. You disagree on methods, you discuss the tough issues, and you fall asleep exhausted as soon as your psyche hittings the pillow.

You hold hands together in the hospital waiting for the ultrasound of your daughter’s heart. You worry together.

He comprises the baby’s arms down while you twist her head side to side, tortuously performing the physical therapy exercises they taught you to do. Your eyes meet in sympathetic wail as you work through the baby’s loud calls. This too shall pass.

He comes into the bathroom to check on you where you lay in the storey next to the commode. How long can a stomach virus last for one family ?!

Bills! So many bills. We need diapers. We gotta buy a bigger vehicle. She’s outgrown her shoes again.

Go take a bath. I’ll watch the baby.

You stay home by yourself for a change. I’ll take everyone to the storage with me.

Go ahead and go to bed. I can tell you’re tired. I’ll threw them down.

Through our nine years of wedding, we had parented for over eight years of it. We had never really known each other just as husband and wife, but instead always as mom and dad. And we were wonderful at it! We were the perfect squad! We were a dynamic parenting duo! But I never wanted to forget what it felt like to spoon on the sofa with “the mens” I fell in love with.

My husband was a wonderful parent, but before that he was my wonderful spouse. He was a papa! But he was also my best friend. He was my confidant, my prayer collaborator, and so many days the lifter of my chief. God had gifted me with this human, and not just to be the father of their own children, but to be my friend for life. One day the children would leave the nest, but I knew it wouldn’t feel too empty. Because it would be filled with him.

It’s easy to get sucked into the mother trap. To see your spouse as your helpmate in matters involving the children, but forget that he was an ever-present help for you in all things. Although I desire being a mother, I didn’t want that to define me alone. Before I was their mother, I was his wife, and after they grown up and became mothers themselves, still his wife I would be.

Seasons change, but adoration remains.

Our simply season of married life had been a season of parenting small children, and sometimes that is likely to be fairly overshadowing. The demands of raising multiple, little people take a lot of strength and energy. Like, a lot! But I never want it to take it all. I always try to leave the best parts of myself for him. He deserves that of me.

“I miss this, ” he had said.

And I had too.

It’s unrealistic to think that you can cuddle the working day with three children eight years old and under around 24/7, but I did know this. I didn’t want to forget. I didn’t want to forget how good it felt to snuggle up alongside my best guy. I didn’t want to forget what it was like to miss and long for his embracing. I didn’t want to forget that I was built for him and that he was induced for me. I didn’t want to let it slip my brain that he was more than simply the father of my children; he was also the adoration of “peoples lives”. I held him above everything, and other than the very best Lord, he was the one I enjoyed the most. I poured a lot of energy and admiration into the children. We both did. But when it came down to it, he was the only one I wanted to end the day with, melting into his arms, and letting all our other obligations fade away, even if for just a moment.

I had missed this too, but I never wanted to miss it so much that I forgot what it was. Never.

Read Next On FaithIt
Dear Spouses: If You’re Not Doing This, Don’t Complain That Your Matrimony Sucks

Read more: https :// faithit.com/ never-really-knew-each-other-just-husband-wife-always-mom-dad-brie-gowen /~ ATAGEND

Author: Moderator

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.