For a long time growing up, I assumed that the most powerful relationships were the messiest ones.
After all, conflict was the main focus of every romantic slapstick I watched growing up. Every woo fiction I speak. Every TV show, every dramatic fib, every think piece- everything there is centered around drama and fighting.
Fighting for one another. Fighting over one another. Fighting to make it work with each other, when the extending got tough.
We are conjured to believe that the various kinds of adore merit having is difficult. Messy. Inconsistent.
And I am here to call BS on all of that.
Here’s a realization it took me a while are in place to in life, which I hope that you arrived here much more quickly 😛 TAGEND
Love shouldn’t be the main complication in their own lives. It shouldn’t be your main source of agony. It shouldn’t even be a major one.
We romanticize and relinquishing for one another and picturing someone that we’ll , no matter how hard they are to affection. But the truth is that the person who’s right for you won’t be hard to love.
Because the right kind of desire feels easy.
It feels like 2pm on a Sunday afternoon with your legs draped over someone else’s on a living room sofa, reading separate notebooks in comfortable stillnes with each other.
It feels like road journeys where those discussions waxes in excitable bouts and then ebbs into comfortable stillnes as the miles deliver you by.
It feels like concurring much more often than contradicting. Like constructing each other up much more readily than you tear each other down. It would seem to be getting agitated about the future together, because you’re building one that both of you genuinely want.
The right various kinds of adoration isn’t centered around conflict – it’s centered around harmony.
Around facilitating one another’s growth. Around supporting one another through challenges. Around returning out the best in one another, and operating through the worst as a team.
In any rapport, conflict is bound to arise.
But you need to wait for the person who attains conflict a necessary villainy , not an ongoing one. The person who wants to work through conflict reasonably- searching for a win-win outcome, instead of fighting to come out on top.
Because there’s nothing romantic about being the couple who exactly can’t make it operate.
There is nothing tragically beautiful, in real life, about forever breaking up and becoming up and falling apart and then falling back together. In real life, that’s just an ongoing waste of time and force. In real life, that’s healthy for utterly no one.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth about the” Tv relationships” that we all grew up idolizing 😛 TAGEND
If you have a Chuck-and-Blair or a Rachel-and-Ross or a Ted-and-Robin kind of relationship, I detest to break it to you but you’re probably with the incorrect person.
Because love shouldn’t be about conflict. It shouldn’t be about affliction. It shouldn’t be dramatic and messy and pain, more often than it’s easy and free.
Loving the person you’re with should feel as natural as breathing, most dates.
It should be simple and effortless to affection them. It should be easy more frequently than it’s hard. It should be straightforward more often than it’s complicated.
And if it’s not any of those things, opportunities are you’re not in the right kind of relationship.
Because the right kind of affection feels easy, even in its most trying hour.
And that kind of love is perfectly worth holding out for.