Mean Girls of Gilead: ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Recap Betches

Alright fam, this episode of The Handmaid’s Tale was a rollercoaster. It shook wildly from amazing( Aunt Lydia flashbacks !!!!!) to perfectly horrid( stillborn baby close-up ), and I’m just going to go ahead and say right now that yes, it does end with June searching directly to camera while kitschy music play-acts. How many times are the writers going to do this? At this time, every time it happens I can’t help but be taken into consideration this video and start laughter uncontrollably 😛 TAGEND

Can someone show the writers of The Handmaid’s Tale this video so they realize this trope is over and they can move on to something else? Please?

Back In Gilead

We open on a handmaid called OfAndy giving birth. It is truly hard to keep all these handmaids straight. I had no idea OfAndy was even a thing. Since OfMatthew revealed that she narc-ed on Frances the Martha and got her killed, OfMatthew must now face the snitch’s fate of getting stiches. What did she expect?

In this case, the stitches are psychological, as Gilead has been transformed into North Shore High School, with June acting as Regina George.

June : That was a really good prayer, OfMatthew. You’re so religious.
OfMatthew : Thanks!
June : … so you agree? You think you’re really religious?

The other handmaids are literally bullying OfMatthew while OfAndy presents birth. And when I say literally bullying, I signify literally. They’re shoving her. They’re snickering behind her back. At one point someone interrupts something and accuses it on her. It’s a whole-ass mess. And June is just standing there like 😛 TAGEND


The only person who is not into the bullying is poor, sweet Janine. She’s that one popular girlfriend who ever sticks up for the nerds because she’s low-key in all the AP first-class with them and would probably be a nerd herself if she weren’t so red-hot. It’s not her fault she’s so popular.

This scene is difficult because, on the one hand, it’s tough to watch someone get bullied, especially when that person is pregnant and scared in Gilead. On the other hand, she absolutely snitched and got someone killed.

June summing-ups this up best when she says “She got someone implemented. She doesn’t feel sorry about it. She should have hindered her f* cking mouth shut. Also that’s the ugliest effing hem I’ve ever seen.”

Even Aunt Lydia takes a written notice of the bullying and tells June to “tell your friends to cool it.” Between Aunt Lydia saying ” ran” in the DC episode and her saying ” cool it” in this episode, I think it is safe to say she’s been perusing Urban Dictionary.

At The Red Center

As with all cases of girl-on-girl bullying, the handmaids have now been assembled in the gym for trust drops-off. June is in the middle of the shame circle, but just like the minor “whos got” detention every day, it has lost its effect.

That is, until Aunt Lydia pullings out the Hannah card and constructs June admit that her actions led to Hannah( who she calls “Agnes” because that’s her brand-new identify, unfortunately) losing her Martha and having to move. This clearly f* cks June up for a second, but just like Regina, June has a few pages of her smolder journal yet to uncover, and she’s not going to go down without a fight.

June : Yeah, well OfMatthew told me she doesn’t want her baby.

Clearly, June has taken it too far. Keep OfMatthew’s baby out your lip. Like, I know she’s kind of tragic, but she’s Janine’s friend, so be nice to her, okay ??? Likewise, harming “childrens and”/ or endangering a child in any way is a big f* cking deal in Gilead( except that one time Janine did it) so saying this places OfMatthew’s life in genuine danger. Very uncool.

Speaking of Janine, she’s watching all of this go down like:

The group then turns on OfMatthew, who is already on the brink of a mental dislocation after all the bullying she abode at OfAndy’s birth. Hats off to actress Ashleigh LaThrop for giving OfMatthew’s genuine terror here, and hats off to the cinematography for really putting us in this scene. I felt like I was the one getting bullied here, and frankly, I did not appreciate it.

At this stage I start to realize that this episode has run from Mean Girls to Heathers real fast( esp. with the ruby-red outfits) and that can only mean one thing: a lot of people are going to die.

Ashleigh LaThrop

Aunt Lydia Flashback

The best thing I can say about this occurrence is the fact that it anoints us with the one thing we’ve all been craving since season one: an Aunt Lydia flashback, complete with a sexuality scene. Didn’t actually know we needed that second part until it happened, but thank God it did. We’ll get to it later.

The first thing we informed about OG Aunt Lydia is that she was a teacher at a school. Makes sense. Her hair is down, she has a blow out, she’s rocking sensible apartments and a flowy pinnacle, presumably from Chico’s.

Lyds has stayed late because one of the children in her class has yet to be picked up by his mother, whom Aunt Lydia clearly does not like. The principal of the school stops by and she immediately mentions the Bible at him, so clearly she hasn’t changed too much since the old days. The principal clearly delves this Bible learning, and the two of them have distinct sexual chemistry.

Can Aunt Lydia spew game ?, I wonder.

Unfortunately, the flirting sesh is interrupted by the boy’s mother, who is clearly a contending single mom. Aunt Lydia invites the two of the over for chili, but merely so she can prevent judging them and manufacturing shady explains. I have been previously done this many times to my dinner guests, so I get it.

At the chili cookout, Single Mom expletives in front of Aunt Lydia, which would get you tased to demise in today’s world. Since it’s not today’s world, Lydia’s simply weapon is a vicious side-eye, which she uses often.

We end this vistum with a duo more pieces of Lydia info:
1. Her full name is Lydia Clements.
2. She used to be married but he “was a mistake.”


In Gilead

We cut back to the Red Center, where Aunt Lydia is fulfilling her dream of shaping fighting ladies pay. She releases all the girls from the auditorium and thanks June for” telling what you know about OfMatthew, ” but we know what she genuinely signifies is “I’m on to you, bitch.”

Back at Commander Zaddy’s, June is trying to figure out where the f* ck Hannah moved to. I predict she should have thought about the fact that moving exists before she tried to break into her dwelling and school. Hindsight is 20/ 20.

June : I need to know if you’ve learned anything about Hannah and the Mc–
Commander Zaddy :
Aunt Office

Like most bullies, June’s home life is extremely f* cked up right now. Her Commander is mad at her. She doesn’t know where Hannah is. She’s struggling and flogging out at her peers. You dislike to see it.

They get called to help with OfAndy’s birth again. I predict I didn’t realize that she never actually devoted birth the first time. Shows where my priorities are at. The handmaids are all sides on deck for this baby, except for June, who is just chilling in the doorway. Maybe her mothers wrote a note saying she could sit out?

Ultimately, the child is stillborn and has the line wrapped around its neck, which the administrator chooses to show us in vivid detail. Not something I necessarily needed to see on a Wednesday, but okay.

June sits out of the post-stillbirth group hug and instead pops over to go stare at the dead child, which is some moderately extreme antisocial behavior from our girlfriend June Osbourne. What’s her issue? Other than like, everything that has ever happened to her.

Finally, June returns to the Lawrence home, where the Commander inexplicably craves her to start hanging out with his wife again. Fairly sure that didn’t lead great last time, but whatever.

June, who is clearly having some sort of mental break, responds to this attempt at friendship by laying into Commander Lawrence about the world he built, and how it affects his wife. Is she incorrect? No. Was this the best moment to convey this sentiment? Probably not.

At The Aunt Office

And now for another peek into the daily life of Aunt Lydia, who apparently is in charge of deciding which handmaid leads where along with two other Aunts. They do this using a giant lazy susan and not like, computers, for some reason.

Do computers still exist in Gilead? They “re going to have to”, right? I feel like a shared Google Doc could be helpful here.

At one point, Aunt Lydia be referred to a family that” doesn’t want a handmaid of shade”, which is significant in that it is the first time Handmaid’s Tale has addressed racism at all. Prior to this, you kind of got the impression that all racism was magically antidote in whatever campaign happened. In my recollection I rationalized this by saying that perhaps the fertility crisis has seen people so desperate for babies it overrule hundreds of years of racial bias, but if that’s the lawsuit, this depict was likely to like, say that at some quality. Exactly a thought.

Once the Aunts are done condoning racism, they go onto their favorite act: sh* t talking June. Clearly, Aunt Lydia is not impressed with her mean girlfriend turn, and the Aunts can’t help but notice that her walking partners keep going insane. Maybe it’s time to send her to military school?

Aunt Lydia Flasback #2

Wow. This next scene was a wild f* cking journey, so fasten in because we’re about to cover a lot of dirt. We start with Aunt Lydia at Single Mom’s house. Clearly they have become close, even though Lyd is still stirring condescending explains about her roughly every 30 seconds. Single Mom is unfazed by this( she’s got a lot of other sh* t on her plate) and decides that what Aunt Lydia really needs is a makeover. And starts sensually referring makeup to Lydia’s face. For a second I’m like…are they going to hook up? But they don’t. This is just a standard makeover. Lame.

Brazilian Real

Beat for the gods, Aunt Lydia extends out for a night on the cities. Yes, “youre reading” that right. Aunt Lydia extends clubbing in this episode and yes, she is wearing a sequined top.

And who is she at the clurb to meet? Oh, exactly the hot principal from one flashback ago, of course! Not simply are they hitting it off and seeming amazing, it is also New Year’s Eve. Bold choice for a first appointment, but Aunt Lydia is a bold woman. She enjoys a single glass of champagne and then we cut straight-shooting to them doing drunk karaoke. Who among us hasn’t had the exact same nighttime? One minute you’re enjoying a glass of champagne, the next you’re screaming “No Scrubs” to a chamber full of strangers. Life comes at you fast.

Speaking of fast, Aunt Lydia and Hot Principal go home together ON THE FIRST DATE. Now of course, there’s nothing incorrect with going home with someone on the first appointment, but imparted Lyd’s entire personality, this is pretty surprising. The two start making out and it’s like…what’s gonna happen here? Is he gonna try to go too far and get pepper sprayed? Will this really is Aunt Lydia’s first taste of blood?

Quite the opposite! Aunt Lydia goes to give Hot Principal a casual first appointment hand job and HE TELLS HER THEY ARE MOVING TOO FAST !!! He slut-shames Aunt Lydia!

In his protection, he does say that he wants to see her again, but Lydia is already heartbroken. And what does a heartbroken Aunt Lydia do?

F* ck.
Sh* t.

And by “sh* t” I mean the lives of two innocent people by reporting Single Mom to whatever the Gilead version of CPS is for “moral weakness.” Hot Principal watches all this go down with a sad look in his eye.

Where is the woman who tugged his dick a couple months ago? Or do hand jobs not count as moral weakness, just like they don’t count as cheating?

In Gilead

Back in Gilead, June is standing in the snow to meet up with OfMatthew who is not. doing. great. Like, she’s crying before they even get to the bus stop. They’re really layering this bullied babe motif on thick.

They make it to the grocery store, and within five seconds we determine OfMatthew losing her sh* t in the seafood aisle over a can of lobster bisque. The compounding of the bully, the maternity, and her natural narc-iness are too much to bear. Like many bullied youths before her, she is about to lose her f* cking sh* t in a public place.

Then, OfMatthew does the one thing you’re never supposed to do: she physically assaults Janine! Like, actually thumps the sh* t out of her! This is why you can’t be nice to people. Within 30 seconds, OfMatthew has proceeded full Carrie on everybody at Loaf and Fishes.

Chrissy Shackelford

To make stuffs worse, she criticizes a guard and steals his grease-gun. So now she has a gun. Basically, OfMatthew was bullied so badly it drove her to buy a artillery and open fire at a convenience store. I examine no similarities to our current world there! None at all!

Just as we recollect she is going to shoot June( who is so crazy at this phase, she just various kinds of stands there smiling ), she turns her grease-gun on Aunt Lydia. I know Aunt Lydia lived being stabbed seven periods and falling down the stairs, but can she subsist being shot at close range in the convenience store?

Sadly, we do not find out because the guards kill OfMatthew( who we learn is really named “Natalie”) right there next to the frozen prawn. Damn. RIP OfMatthew. You primarily sucked, but I did feel bad for you at the end there.

As I referred to above, the chapter ends with June looking to camera while Nancy Sinatra’s version of” Que Sera Sera” plays in the background. Yawn.

Images: Hulu; ChrissySh/ Twitter; Giphy( 7 )

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