I’m a person who’s followed luminary word since I was a kid( like, I had subscriptions to Us Weekly and PEOPLE in fourth grade ), and even I did not anticipate the celebrity college admissions gossip blowing up like it has. When the news firstly break-dance, I was like, “Perfect. Now that Aunt Becky is relevant again, I can segue more readily into the fib about how two women at Friendly’s said I was a dead ringer for her when I was 16. ” Also, if we’re being honest, I would discontinue $500,000 simply to not have to endure the embarrassment of having a child who unabashedly calls themselves a “YouTuber” and “influencer.” But beyond that, I was pretty unfazed about the word, because where I grew up, people have been fleecing the college organization for years.
Full disclosure: I come from a WASP-y family. I was created to not take that identity earnestly, but to actually find humor in it. That conducted me to writing satire for a society website called Guest of a Guest , where I make fun of the culture and the people who try so hard to gyp their space into itall the time. I even make fun of myself for falling target to it: I actually shaped the GofG list of “Most Pretentiously Named Socialites, ”my pup is literally involved in the Kennedy’s dog( plus I had relatives that worked for that organisation ), and I attended a boarding school at which my family boasted a really long bequest( although I only lasted a year ). But thank god their own families inspired me to form my own identity, because otherwise, that would’ve induced me the most difficult douchebag.( I’m still a douchebag because I represent snarky mentions about celebs for a life and literally highjacked an section about this gossip to talk about how person formerly said I look like Aunt Becky, but at least I’m not wearing a cashmere sweater draped around my shoulders while doing it .) My parents and grandparents would be disappointed if I was too lenient on the WASP identity because it’s tacky and lame to go into superfluous detailed information about that lifestyle, but for the sake of representing how common it really is to competition the college admissions method, I’m willing to risk voicing gauche, because it does need to be aired out.
First off, I’m proud of their own families I come from, because while we were all given a great education, my grandfather taught us modesty and the importance of a good work ethic. For the record, their own families never once tried to buy their behavior into institutions they didn’t deserve a smudge at, and I am grateful they didn’t. Having access to great education and other perks is fantastic, but my parents actually wanted to instill in me that there’s much better to life than going to see a name-brand undergrad planned straight out of high school.
But I grew up surrounded by and summering with a lot of ritzy prep school kids who didn’t share the same notion( even the fact that I use the word “summer” as a verb is a big tell ). So I guess that constitutes me a ritzy prep school kid as well. I took a gap time after high school and did a program abroad, and the very first day of my program, I talked to a girl who went to an upper-class New Hampshire boarding school( I’ll let you figure out which one ), and she made it very known that she was attending Harvard in the fall. We took world-class at a tutorial college and she would skip class and refuse to do homework because, “I’m going to f* cking Harvard.” Ok, Elle Woods.
But some things she said would stir me seriously side-eye. This chick was all too open about how lavish her family’s lifestyle was and how liberal her father was with his AmEx( only later on, he got tried for larceny ). Ok, whatever. But one large-scale bit of info she impeded quiet about? Her granddad was chairman of a foreign country. Yeah. So I had to wonder if she got into Harvard alone on her own merit.
did any one else just assume that celebrities paid to get their kids into college and are shocked that it’s actually illegal
— jaboukie (@ jaboukie) March 12, 2019
This is not just me being salty–Harvard literally admitted that they let in wealthier people in hopes of getting more money from them, as if they need it. I even recall asking my parents how the hell our neighbors got all three of their kids into Harvard. Sure, they went to a really great New York prep school, but they also tell the Harvard squash coach stay in their guest house for the summer.
I have tons of anecdotes like these, but I’ll save the remainder for my work. When I was having dinner with my parents after this whole story interrupted, I went into the conversation remembering it was funny as f* ck that these people were finally getting called out so publicly, while my mothers were disgusted. Huh?
I brought up the tale about my neighbors, and my mommy said, “That’s different. Those kids are smart.” Is it different, though? It’s just expending your advantage, asset, and access to get what you want. Maybe overt wire fraud isn’t involved, but your hands are not fully clean.
Now that the Hollywood Bribery Ring has been busted, the only thing facilitating rich kids get into college are legacy admissions, private mentors, board member associates, unpaid summertime internships, interview managers, and a lifetime of Ivy-bound grooming !!!
— Bess Kalb (@ bessbell) March 12, 2019
What’s even funnier to me is that my parents were outraged by Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman somebody to falsify their kids’ SAT tallies. I don’t assure the big difference between that and donating a structure, or holding free lodging to somebody who works at the school. And whether you’re committing blatant impostor, or exactly hurling fund to get your kid into a school you’re not self-confident they could be accepted to on deserve alone, you’re doing a disservice to your child. Like, I know a girl whose father is a higher-up in commerce, and he secured her a profession where he works, along with an society education. When it comes down is now time to take the CFAs, she couldn’t pass the test, even after her third occasion. So she wasted her day and vitality( and Daddy squandered his fund) on a career she wasn’t cut out for, and she had to endure the humiliation of being shot from a company at which her father is a huge mover and shaker. I’m confident she’s not the only fib like that. I represent, Olivia Jade barely went to class at USC after her momma expend hundreds of thousands( and gambled prison time) to scam her lane in! Do you think she was really going to graduate with reputations and a laid career route in anything but makeup videos? No. An society education, a resources of the fund, and two brain cells to scratch together can’t eventually guarantee you success.
Job interviewer: Tell me about your time at USC
Olivia Jade: pic.twitter.com/ qzDMWsyVxK
— Betches (@ betchesluvthis) March 15, 2019
But ultimately, what I think should be on trial here is the antiquated education system that American culture jostle down our throats. This dampen structure should be questioned because only a small proportion of kids actually thrive in that situation, and it’s sad that mothers are squandering money to pressure their channel in. It’s a detriment to their kids’ personal proliferation, and pretty much everyone’s personal rise, that we all conceive graduating college by 22 and adhering to a suffocating organisation like that is the only course to be successful in life. The VP of Google( F* CKING GOOGLE) even said that having a high GPA or going to an nobility academy has never been an accurate litmus test of whether or not you’d be a predicting hire there( hitherto they pour in Ivy League grads with 4.0 ’s so…what the hell ?). But until we realize that it truly does not f* cking matter where you go to undergrad, wealthy, connected people will continue to finesse their opulence and connections to get what they want–just like they do in every other facet of society.
Portraits: jaboukie, bessbell, betchesluvthis/ Twitter
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