Teen suicide has been on the rise in recent years and sadly, TWEEN suicide( offsprings ages 10 -1 4) has doubled since 2009. For much of this, social media has been accused: specifically, since frequencies have risen so aggressively( doubling in the 10 -1 4 age group) since the arrival of the smartphone. Cyberbullyingand the pressure to have a picture-perfect life for social media has led numerous young person to have mental health problems that lead to teen suicide. But after a high school sophomore from Corona Del Mar High School in California took his life, a principal from a neighboring high school, Newport Harbor High, felt the need to speak out to the parent education his students, in a frantic plea to save lives.
In the Coronal Del Mar teen suicide, Newport Harbor principal Dr. Sean Boulton says in a Facebook post, social media and cyberbullying weren’t the main issues. The deceased infant, he says, left suicide notes “which drew mention of the pressures of institution and growing up in Newport-Mesa.”
The Facebook post, which Dr. Boulton wrote as a letter addressed to parents, says basically that these days, in a number of cases, we are pressuring our kids to fatality. I find that his insight is startling hitherto resounds entirely true, and I speculate ALL parents need to taken due note. He says 😛
… there remains valid, heartfelt concern for this tragic occurrence, specifically from notes that the deceased student left , notes which shaped mention of the pressures of school and grown up in Newport-Mesa. A heap to ponder, and numerous speeches and changes ahead but how did we get here?
Our teachers and District have simply created and maintained a structure that local communities/ country has demanded from us over the past 20 years since college admissions mania went into hyper drive, since vocational training programs were dismantled , and since giving “A’s” in AP categorizes grew the norm .
Our teachers feel the pressure, organisation and counseling feel the pressure, and now mothers/ students are actually feeling the pressures .
When we grew up nobody asked us what our GPA was, and it was “cool” to work on the roof of a house. This competitive culture has significantly impacted our young adults. We endlessly discuss exam tallies, National Merit Scholarships, speaking tallies, AP intellectuals, comparings to other academy Territories and this is when we start losing our collective souls-and their own children.
I’ll interrupt Boulton’s explains so you don’t miss this position: “This is when we start losing our collective souls-and our children.”
When I think back to my own high school days in the 1990 s, my parents just ever asked me to do my best. I was a high achiever but not a genius, I get decent experiment ratings and went to college and got a communications degree. For my husband, who is highly intelligent but was a slightly above-average student with good but not incredible experiment tallies, the storey was different. He WANTED to go to academy to work on vehicles; he had carefully researched his college of option and had it picked out for years. But, his papa, a very smart, achieved Air Force engineer, craved his only son to get a 4-year degree. So off my future spouse moved — and expended a dismal first year at a four-year college until he was finally able to convince his mothers that it wasn’t for him. He squandered 18 months of his life and his parents’ money on something he was PRESSURED into, and not designed for. Which produces me to Boulton’s next notes. He continues 😛
We often shield our students from collapse. We think that earning a “C” grade in a class is a the end of the world, and we don’t grant our students to advocate for themselves. We have also devalued a military occupation, a plumbing or welding chore, and we are a little embarrassed if our children wish to attend vocational training schools instead of a major university.
BINGO — I agree with Boutlon here, we HAVE to be willing to let our kids fail, and to let go of what OUR PARENTAL EGOS want them to achieve in life. Spoiler alert: my husband eventually went to his daydream academy, got great tiers, graduated in merely over a year, and has been very successfully supporting himself and our lineage as an automotive technician for 19 years IN THE SAME JOB, where he was recently supported to shop foreman. And I am nothing but BURSTING WITH PRIDE over it.( As are his parents .) Should our sons want to go the same roadway, I’d feel the same, as Boulton says we should. His proclamation continues 😛
We say hooray for those students who enter the armed forces, who want to work with their hands, who don’t want to be weighed down with the burden of being perfect in high school, and who deserve a “C” in a tough class and are proud of themselves .
ALL of us as a community is therefore necessary to get to this level if we want to avoid our students feeling shamed, segregated, or worthless.
We had a waiting list this year for culinary at NHHS and creation engineering at Estancia-this is a telling statistic. We consistently have students lost in our administrative/ advise bureaux, and in classrooms whom we tell, “College is not for everyone, but look at what you can do.” We invite military recruiters to our campuses so they can work with students on valued and significant vocations in the armed forces. Delight know there is so much behind the scenes we do to diffuse such an environment, but we can not do it alone anymore .
A extremely intuitive parent threw an analogy recently that hit home: “Our kids are not teacups; they are means to bumped around from time to time.”
It is during these bumpy days that we can applaud a “C”, applaud a student going to the military or junior college, properly supporting omission with introspection not blame, take an 89.5[ percentage] as a B+ in stride, or acclaim a student in one of our CTE pathways. My British father-god would always quip, “it is the sum of our experiences that should ever outweigh resources in the amount of our bank accounts.”
We must reach the spot where, if our sons and daughters don’t live a perfect young adult suffer, it is not the end of the world…it is simply an opportunity to removing the sails and head in a different direction .
I sound like a broken record. If this offends anyone I am sorry.
We need to start now .
Listen, moms and papas: I systematically tell their own children that I would rather them have a good CHARACTER than good GRADES. I even had to say this in an age-appropriate way recently to my[ 7] -year-old who was so upset after not prevailing the spelling bee at school that he could not tell his classmate who prevailed “good job.”( Yes, I get it, he’s seven, and this was a firstly lesson for him. But I did take the opportunity to tell him, “I know you’re disillusioned, but I want you to be a good FRIEND more than I want you to be a good SPELLER.” The next day at academy he was able to tell his sidekick “good job, ” and you know what? I think he will remember that lesson .)
So let’s devote, mothers, to shrinking teen suicide by abating the PRESSURE we put on our kids to PERFORM. Let’s stop telling 15 -year-olds that their upcoming AP math test is going to have a life-long impact on their career and ability to provide for the families of such. Let’s let them FAIL( you can read about my own EPIC high school failure here) and help them CHANGE COURSE when needed. As Dr. Boulton said above, “ We must reach the degree where, if our sons and daughters don’t live a perfect young adult experience, it is not the end of the world…it is simply the chance to removing the sails and thought in another direction.”
And he’s right. We need to start NOW.