‘Big Little Lies’ Recap: The Slap Heard ‘Round Monterey Betches

We’re driving back up the PCH to Monterey tonight–let’s get into it. This recap was a day late mainly because I spent all of Sunday drinking$ 5 Cosmopolitans for pride, which symbolizes I spend all of Monday questioning myself why did you do that do that do that to me?

Jack-O-Lantern

It’s Madeline’s turn to have a nightmare, which I guess makes sense effect a) slaughter and b) it’s apparently Halloween! I forgot that condition isn’t a thing in Monterey. She’s also now smoking, providing us large-scale purpose of Grease Sandy Energy. On top of that, Renata is simultaneously projecting her bankruptcy courtroom hearing and likewise her daughter’s birthday.? Por que no los dos?

Naturally, Mary Louise arrives with a cake and her chompers–in no way are those her real teeth, right? Uh oh, Mary Tyler Moore has a new Rhoda in township, and it’s M.L. who is moving into Jane’s building. Survey says she’s doing that to be closer to Ziggy and not cause it’s the only property in Monterey. Kind of like when Taylor Swift bought a house in Rhode Island to be closer to the Kennedys. Throwback!

Giving Madeline a destroy, Celeste is now verbally sparring with Mary Louse until IT BECOMES PHYSICAL SPARRING WHAT IS HAPPENING. Celeste smacks with a smacking discover’ round the nations of the world after Mary Louise says she feels Jane wasn’t raped and Perry just was looking for anyone outside of their matrimony.

Ann Taylor

This scene of course ends with Madeline in her stunning kitchen, complaining to Ed about how people should be more considerate when planning parties( “we all have calendar apps on our f* cking phone”) and can I am saying, preach?

Longing Looks At the Water: 2

In between incidents, we see Bonnie likewise look at this place the sea and Jane inviting her institution yard suppres to the disco party, an era he 1000% learned about during AP U.S. History last year.

All The Tense Coffee Dates

Mary Louise meets with Celeste and calls her unwell, uttering very concerned about her grandchildren. I’m sorry, but is Celeste’s mode muse Taylor Swift’s Red era with these whispy framed-bangs and coat? Mary Louise makes up that her husband left her and she had to learn how to cope–a fact that hmm …I’m not that sold on.

Over at Madeline’s, she tries to plan a couple’s workshop while Ed is still throw us Sulking Kid Who’s Grounded. Chloe, still being a 28 -year-old social media director in a child’s body, makes an’ opposites’ project for institution where she says her mom is the opposite of a entrance because she’s unhinged. Snaps for Chloe and her future vocation on Thought Catalog.

Bonnie

Bankruptcy Is So In Right Now

The assets are being drawn up to get put on the line. Renata is still present us all the lines that would end up on T-Shirts for the Women’s March: “ I’m self-made.” She then get evaluated for getting botox, which, hey , not fair. On top of that, she needs to give up her Rolex and marriage ring right on the table — which I predict shows the practicality of belly echoes in times like this. Impossible to see! And now their Tesla is traded for a taxi outside of the court house. Ouch.

Who Is This Theme Party For?

Brazilian Real

Amabella’s party is here and it’s disco themed, which I can’t imagine she picked. The mommies have gone all out for this party, because when you’re 40 all you want to do is get ready for a topic party, apparently? While Renata is serving a disco bash, Mary Louise is planning on filing for guardianship of her grandkids–and fabrication sure Celeste doesn’t have a lawyer to choose from to get her back. Back at Studio 54, Celeste and Bonnie are regretting the lie and saying Madeline is to blame for go it. Very happy my major lies only including eating the rest of my roommate’s hummus and saying, “hmm no evidence where it went.”

While they fight over exquisite champagne flutes, we realize Ammabella having a slow dance and her dress is … literally the same as Renata’s. “Its certainly true it is” some Gypsy Rose Lee sh* t up in here, but I suspect the Roman Empire was having a BOGO deal. Ugh, it’s hard to see Renata addressing how all of this will affect her daughter–and can I am saying F* CK GORDON.

Jane is dancing with her date, which is kind of weird because the dance floor is like, only the kids–but then again, he prob is in the same history class as the majority of them. She’s happy, but then the second they get a little closer, she gets a flashback to the night of her assault.

Bonnie gets #ConfrontedOnTheDanceFloor by her mom, with her mommy saying she doesn’t like the vitality around her. Raise your hands if you have gone up to one of your best friend at 2:30 AM after a vodka Redbull and said the exact same thing.

Nathan and Ed then do what any soul would, which is fight in’ 70 s costumes at a child’s birthday party. THIS IS ABOUT HAPPINESS !! Coincidentally, that’s exactly what I shout at my brunch attendant when they say the two hours of the unlimited option is over.

No eight-year-old’s birthday party is complete without a disco dance display by who I can only imagine is Boyz II Monterey. They’re setting the humor for Bonnie and Ed, though.

Jane opens up to her boy about her past trauma, and he is super supportive of her…which only moves me feel like he can’t be trusted, because this is Big Little Lies .

Alexa, Play’ Fallingwater’

Bonnie’s mom has lights of sea perceptions and then faints. We’re at research hospitals, and it turns out Elizabeth had a stroke, and we find out that the last thing she saw before were flashes of sea.

Madeline and Ed are residence, and he’s drinking the classic Sad Boi Night Cap: an IPA. Jane and Celeste are now out at a table, and I do love how their attachment has been strengthened. Celeste stands for another drink alone, cause she’s a girl after my own center.

Back at the hospital, Bonnie is looking over her mother as her papa asks if she said anything to her mommy to persuade her stroke–nice dad!

Mary Louise is now eating stretchy cheese pizza that straight up looks like it’s from Chuck-E-Cheese–a place that Meryl Streep 200% doesn’t know exists. Candidly, she consider this to be a mess right now too. Why did the wardrobe department decide to give her a J.Jill cardigan, but then a men’s Old Navy top?

Jane goes to meet Bonnie at the hospital, which is perfect because she caught her just as she was about to rip into the detective on their occurrence. Does this detective have anything else to do but walk around Monterey drinking coffee? Dream job TBH.

Ambien Cool, Not All Uncool

Mary Louise wreaks the boys home first thing in the AM and Celeste seems…off. At first you can’t tell if she’s high, drunk, or sick( I can be applied to that every Sunday morning ), until you is known that she obviously took another Ambien. She’s being very Countess LuAnn, owning it! I’m happy Heather Thomson wasn’t in their residence because OH YEAH, CELESTE TOOK THE BARTENDER HOME. Wow that might have been one of the most awkward incidents in biography, mixed in with a red-hot af flashbacks of them hooking up.

She admits to Madeline that she did in fact take Ambien and didn’t remember he was in the house, which is so scary. Celeste, just try melatonin or chamomile tea, please. Madeline is the true MVP of friends because her first response was “she shouldn’t have removed the children off that early, you have your own life.” And just like clockwork, Mary Louise reappears.

She tackles Celeste about how she feels she is a mess and shouldn’t be watching over the girls. This is going to get messy. Yeah, they’re at risk with Celeste, but were totally just fine with their abusive parent.

Renata’s Sweater Is Off The Deep End

Celeste

What would happen if Ann Taylor had a one-night stand with Hot Topic and then obtained its path to California? The rebuttal is Renata’s sweater. What is happening here? I predict when she tried to give this one to the bankruptcy court they were like … actually you are unable to stop that. They’re sharing avocado toast( who shares toast ?) and catching up about Celeste when, you guessed it! Our detective is back, boozing coffee, and just…theorizing! Nancy Drew could never be this caffeinated.

Jane then goes to see Mary Louise because she’s worried that she’s exactly being a Pokemon Grandma, catching them all. She mollifies her down by voicing concerns about Celeste, which Jane pauses to consider. Instead of acquiring sugar from your neighbour in Monterey, you borrow ideologies about your best friend. Kinda into it.

THE THERAPIST IS HERE !! And she’s assuring Celeste that she has doctor-patient confidentiality. Of direction the true star of this display would have her back.

Elizabeth finally wakes up and we see that she has a vision of Bonnie killing herself in the seas and oceans, which, sadly, could definitely be where this season is headed. Hopefully she’ll be able to help her and they can all go to another yoga retreat. Until next week!

Images: HBO; Giphy( 4 ); bobbyfinger/ Twitter

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